


Slow and Steady

by bisquittes



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: AU, M/M, divine minister Oikawa, herbalist Iwaizumi, kids who had responsibilities thrust onto them
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-08
Updated: 2015-08-30
Packaged: 2018-03-11 01:19:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 18,743
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3310484
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bisquittes/pseuds/bisquittes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hajime never really thought about the future. He was perfectly content studying to be an herbalist and spending his afternoons with Tooru. He expected things to stay that way. </p><p>The news came suddenly and he was everything but prepared.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Something To Hold On To

**Author's Note:**

  * For [allwyf](https://archiveofourown.org/users/allwyf/gifts).



It was halfway through the morning. Through the large window, the sky was dim and the thick, heavy clouds threatened to rain any moment. It was cold and everything seemed to conspire for a lethargic mood. He wanted to surrender to the urge of staying in bed and not moving all day, but he knew that was something he would _not_ be allowed to do.

Not for that day, at least.

He sat up in his bed. The flowers he had picked yesterday stood clumped in the drinking glass on the low table before him. The petals were wide, white and spotted with the occasional blots of reddish violet. It was a vine whose ends he made sure were submerged in the water. He gazed at them tenderly and uttered a small good morning.

He loved those flowers.

After a time, there was a knock on the door and a voice that quietly spoke, “Master Tooru, are you awake?”

“Yes. I’ll get ready and head to the dining room as soon as I finish,” he answered. “You can go on ahead.”

“Understood.”

There was the sound of light footsteps on wood, which soon faded away. In the silence that followed, he finally willed himself to dress. Two layers of clothes, and an extra one because it was particularly cold today. He gave the flowers one last, longing look, bode them goodbye with a name on his lips and finally left.

He headed to the shrine soon after breakfast. Floored with tatami with wooden posts at intervals, the shrine was a relatively wide room. The altar, varnished and embellished with gold and neatly folded _shide_ , took a lot of space at the far end. On either side of the altar were large, tall vases where branches of evergreen were placed. Some ways in front of the altar was an elaborately woven carpet, upon which a large embroidered cushion was set. The walls were lined with cabinets with small, square drawers, where the herbs and incense and other paraphernalia were put.

He took some incense from one of the drawers and stood in front of the altar. He lit some sticks and silently offered his prayers. Health for the people, fertility and abundance of the land, and safety and harmony with nature. Before he ended, he fervently asked the gods for the happiness of one person, in exchange for his own. One person he was certain he will never be able to see, no matter how much he wished, no matter how much he ached.

“Please,” he whispered.

He bit his lip hard and pleadingly looked on to the incense, as if the smoke trail it emitted carried his wishes.

Hopeful and wistful.

He sighed. He looked around the room, making sure he was completely alone, before heading to one of the drawers, which he pulled on until it came off from its hinges. Holding the drawer, he reached inside and fished out some folded papers. He returned the drawer and placed himself in his seat before the altar. The papers were thickly folded and had already browned through the years. He opened the folds and between the sheets were stiff stems, at the end of which were clusters of once-white flowers. On the bottom of the papers were dried brown seeds. He examined them carefully, as if this were the first time he did, and a dull but familiar fear crept into him.

If a person ingested a reasonable portion of that plant, within an hour or so, they would experience a certain numbness, starting from the toes and fingertips, work its way up to the core, which would soon be followed by rigidity, then total paralysis, until it reaches the heart and finally stops it from beating.

 _Painless enough_ , he comforted himself.

There was a knock outside and he jumped.

“Master Tooru, the new member of the temple is ready to be introduced to you.”

He did not bother to hide the herb because he was sure no one would recognize the plant. If anyone asks, he would just pass it off as some ritual herb he needed to grate for later.

“Enter,” he called as he took his time deliberately sorting out the plant parts.

The door slid open and he heard heavy footfalls walking toward him. They stopped and the person took a seat before him.

Tooru finally looked up.

He froze.

His heart dropped to his stomach, his lungs were drowning in water and he felt nothing but a biting cold in his fingers.

Suddenly, there was no shrine, no altar, and no poison in his hands. Just him and the person in front of him. The person whose happiness he prayed for every day since he arrived in the temple.

Tears glossed his eyes and all colors had blurred. 

“I-Iw—” his voice broke. “I-Iwa-chan?” He choked out.

The figure smiled.

Suddenly, all sound was muted and everything had melded into each other and plunged in a blinding light.

“N-No…” He knew calling out was futile, but he did so, regardless. “No—wait!”

Tooru opened his eyes. It was bright and warm and it was morning. Everything in sight was blurred and it was a moment before he realized that tears were in his eyes, spilling down from the corners. He wiped them with the back of his hand, but just as he did, new ones had already taken their place, steadily trickling from them.

His chest hurt. There was an enormous void that ached with an awful, helpless yearning.

He smiled.

Tears continued to fall from his eyes, but he did not bother to wipe them away. He began laughing. He couldn't remember the last time he laughed genuinely like that.

His dream brought him an unbearable sadness, a glimpse of what he truly wanted. But it was also a promise. Of the three years he spent in the temple, that one dream of his was the most reassuring thing he had ever had.

Because his dream was not just a dream.

It was a vision.


	2. That White Flower

“Do you see him?”

“I can’t—I can only see some really tall _acolytes_ , I think they’re called?”

“It’s been so long since we’ve seen him back down here in the village. I’m so excited!”

“I’m sure he would look handsome in traditional garment. He had always been such a handsome child.”

It was crowded and there was a lot of chattering. No surprise there, Hajime thought. Crowds weren’t anything pleasant to him and if he were completely honest with himself, he would rather go deep into the forest and gather herbs. But he braved it out and went anyway, since today, there was an important reason why he had to show up. He waited for that reason for nearly five long years.

It was the annual cleansing of the land. Almost everyone in the village participates in the event to pray for a bountiful harvest. Everyone would bring their finest produce as thanks to the gods for the previous year and as offering for the year to come. More people came this year, since everyone agreed that the event would be a little more exciting since this was the first time in five years that the divine minister would be carrying out the purification rite, as opposed to the previous years when one of the elders stood as proxy. Everyone was eager to see what had become of the little boy who they used to see playing out in the sun.

Hajime brought their family’s offering to the vast altar: rare herbs that he had picked from his excursion to the mountain a few days before. The altar was quite the sight to see. The richest, most golden grains laid out, the ripest fruit and vegetable—the reds of the apples and berries, the sunset-colored oranges and grapefruit, the most sizable of watermelons, the greenest of the legumes and leaves, the largest of root crops—all of which were harvested from the hard work of the people of his village. Hajime swept the altar one last proud look before heading back.

“He’s here! He’s here!” he heard one of the girls shout. “Wow, look at him, he’s absolutely  _gorgeous_!”

“Shh! What are you saying! You’re not supposed to say that about the divine minister!”

For some reason, Hajime felt extremely nervous. He could not bring himself to look at the minister and his entourage. For a moment, he was confused about what to expect, but he shrugged it off and forced out a laugh.

“What am I so worried about? He’s probably smiling and waving at all the girls and—”

Hajime was in a convenient spot and since he was reasonably tall, he could see the podium perfectly. Clad in the finest white and aqua silks he had ever laid eyes on, the minister made his way to the dais. Standing tall and dignified, he appeared to be quite the fine young man, perfectly suited to his title. Every move he made was graceful. Hajime cringed at using the word, thinking never in a million years would he use it to describe someone he used to know so well. Or at least, _thought_ he knew so well. The divine minister seemed like a completely different person from what Hajime remembered. His face was serene and without a hint of expression, almost seeming cold. There was not a trace of the warm, sunny smile that used to grace his features.

“What…” was the only thing that managed to escape his lips.

Their eyes met.

Hajime held the gaze for as long as it dared stay. The same eyes that were once so familiar to him, now felt icy and distant. _Why_ , he thought. _What happened?_ The gaze broke and he realized he was holding his breath. He expected him to smile or wave to him— _him_ specifically—but nothing came. Not a short nod, not even a quick upturn of the corner of his mouth.

The minister then looked upon the vast, bare fields and proceeded with the ceremony.

 

…

 

It was late into the afternoon and what little dregs of deep orange sunlight bathed Hajime’s room. He paid no heed to the birds that set themselves on his window sill, casting shadows on his wall along with his own. Instead, he concentrated on the various plant parts laid out on his table, cross-checking them with the information on the thick journal his mother wrote. He picked up a cutting of a plant with a purple-dotted, dark green stem, long, slender leaves and an oddly shaped white flower: three lance-shaped petals arising from the calyx and opposite them was a single slender petal twice as long as the others with its tip stained a deep reddish violet. The markings of the flower reminded him of a spider spinning a web. He held it next to the drawing on the journal and just as he did, a pang of nostalgia struck his chest.

“ _Shinren_.”

The warm summer sun shone against the bister of the young boy’s hair as he ran to his friend, frantically waving his hand. “Iwa-chan! Iwa-chan!” he called eagerly. He made to grab the deep green of his garment as it threatened to slip off his small shoulder. “Iwa-chan!”

Under the ample shade of an oak, Hajime watched his friend fumble around with the belt of his garments before finally heaving a sigh and tying it for him. “Seriously, Tooru. It’s just tying your own belt and you can’t even do it properly. You're so useless,” he said as he gave his handiwork a final pat. “There. All fixed.”

Admiring the little ribbon Hajime made on his waist, he said, “Iwa-chan doesn’t seem to mind when he ties it for me, so it’s all good!”

“But I _do_ mind!”

“It’s always amazing how a brute like you can tie such a neat little bow like this!” Without even glancing at his offended friend, he continued, “let’s go to the forest today, Iwa-chan. Ushiwaka-chan showed me really pretty flowers this morning. He said they picked them up from the woods when he went to gather seeds with his sister. I don’t want to lose to him, so we’re going to find even prettier flowers! There’s bound to be lots and lots of them in the woods, right, Iwa-chan?”

Hajime frowned. “Tooru, you know we’re not supposed to go into the forest alone. We could get lost.”

“But I’m not alone. I’m with Iwa-chan! You go into the forest plenty of times with your mom and dad to pick plants for medicine, right? You’re sure to know your way in there one way or another!”

Tooru had a point. He at least already knew the forest well enough not to get lost. Not to mention there was also a path there, albeit beaten and difficult to follow. He began rubbing at his arm. “I don’t know… It might be dangerous.”

“Oh? Are you scared, Iwa-chan?” Tooru taunted.

“No, I’m not scared. I’m just… Worried.” He glanced to the direction of the woods. “Something might happen to us, you never know.”

“Well, I’ll be with you, so don’t have to worry, Iwa-chan. I’ll protect you. I won’t let anything bad happen to you,” he held out his pinky finger, “I promise!”

A fierce determination burned in Tooru’s eyes as he waited with his pinky out. He’s so clumsy, he couldn’t even tie his belt properly and now he’s swearing to protect him. He seemed so serious about it, too. _Tooru? Protect me? Me?_ He thought, then he laughed.

Tooru pouted. “Well, that’s rude,” he set his hands on his waist, “here I was, promising to risk my life to protect you with everything I had and here you are, laughing about my noble intentions. That’s very ungrateful of you, Iwa-chan.”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he breathed between bouts of laughter, “I’m just really touched. Thanks. I feel safer already.”

“Well, you should! You have the great Oikawa Tooru by your side to protect you, of course you should feel safe!”

“Okay, okay. I’ll go into the forest with you. But we can’t wander too far in. Dad says the deeper you go in, the more dangerous it is.”

“Yay!”

“And remember to stay close to me.”

“I will!” Tooru made to grab his hand. “I’ll stay close to Iwa-chan!”

Not a minute into the forest, Tooru began to ask about every single leaf and flower that he found interesting—which was pretty much everything. More than once he asked about an herb he found quite fragrant, which was anise. At first, Hajime felt proud of himself for being able to answer his questions, even adding things like what medicinal uses the plants have and how they were prepared, but the longer it went on, the less he could answer, and although he already explained that he still doesn’t know much, Tooru kept up with his graveling queries.

“Look, I don’t know what that is or what it’s for! Just because my parents are herbalists doesn’t mean I already know everything they know, okay? I’m still trying to study each of them but it’s not as easy as it looks!” Rather than Tooru’s repetitive questions, he was more irritated by the fact that he didn’t know anything about most of the plants. He then turned his back and resumed his search for flowers.

Tooru fell silent. Gripping the sturdy tree branch he picked up earlier for ‘self-defense’, he tottered sheepishly behind Hajime and tentatively tugged at the back of his clothes. No reaction. He then lowered his head in a very low bow, and set the very top of his head heavily against Hajime’s back.

“I’m sorry.”

Tooru felt him stop moving. “It’s fine,” he said quietly.

“Are you still mad?”

“I wasn’t mad!”

“You are mad.”

“No, I’m not. I was just annoyed.”

“I’m sorry, Iwa-chan.”

“S’okay.”

They went a little deeper into the forest. It was cool under the shade of the canopy of leaves that grew many feet up the trees. The pathway in that part of the woods was much neater, a walkway was bordered with low, berry-bearing shrubs, although it seemed like they had just been harvested recently. It was a pity since he recognized those berries and he was quite fond of their sour -sweet flavor. He wanted Tooru to try them, too. He would have probably punched his arm and stuck out his tongue in disgust, saying that they were too sour for any decent human being. Hajime snickered at the thought.

A few minutes more, Hajime heard a very loud, very excited yelp and surely enough, Tooru soon came jogging toward him, feverishly beckoning him and looking as if he had found something otherworldly that he must absolutely show it to him this instant at all costs.

“Iwa-chan! Iwa-chan! Come quickly!” He quickly grabbed Hajime by the hand and began dragging him between shrubs. “You have to see this, Iwa-chan, it’s really cool! It’s really, really cool! There’s a really weird plant over here and I think—I think it’s alive!”

Hajime was troubled for a moment. “But all plants are alive?”

Tooru stopped in his tracks. “Oh. Well, then I think this plant might be more alive than the others! Or it could be possessed by something! Oh no, if it is, then do you think we’ll need to call the divine minister to purify the—ah! Here it is!” He stopped near a dense shrubbery, where the ground was copiously carpeted with grasses and ferns dotted with the pink and purple flower heads. “That one! That one!”

Hajime knit his brows. “It looks pretty norm—”

“Shh! Look!” Tooru crouched down next to the flower heads. He reached for a stem. The leaflets on each leaf were paired and their edges were tinged with a deep magenta. “Are you ready, Iwa-chan? Are you ready?” Uncontainable excitement was written all over his face and obliging, Hajime crouched down next to him for a better look. Then, as carefully as he could, Tooru ran his finger across the midrib of one leaf, and the leaflets, following where his finger had been, folded inward by pair, as if trying to catch it. He repeated the motion on one of the open leaves and the same thing happened; the leaflets folded inward.

Hajime’s eyes opened wide and his mouth hung open. Of all the odd-looking plants that he had seen his family gather—ones that resembled a red octopi strangling each other, ones whose pods popped when you touched them, ones that changed color when you put it near another plant—none of them moved like this one. Tooru reveled in the look of astonishment on his face. He was so pleased with himself for eliciting such a response from Hajime that his grin broadened so much that his eyes were reduced to tapering slits on his face.

Hajime looked on at the thick plant covering of the ground and began to poke and slide his fingers across leaves. The leaflets folded inward and he took delight every time they did. “This is so cool!”

“I know! It’s really amazing, isn’t it, Iwa-chan? And it looks like they go back after a while!” He pointed to one of the leaves he had touched earlier and as he said, the leaflets were slowly separating from their pairs and opened. “And the flowers are pretty, too! This is so much better that Ushiwaka-chan’s flimsy ones! Now help me collect some, Iwa-chan, then we can go back home! Ah, but be careful, they have thorns. I already cut myself from one, see?” He held up a finger to show a small cut that ran a short distance from the edge of his nail.

“I think _you_ should be more careful,” Hajime replied, taking Tooru’s hand to examine his injured finger.

“Kiss it to make it better?”

“It’s nothing too serious.”

“Please?”

“No.”

“Please?”

“No.”

“Stingy Iwa-chan.”

After a while, Hajime noticed Tooru setting off toward the ferny growth at the edge of where the moving plants grew. Hajime sighed and made a face before wrapping the plants he collected in a large leaf he found and following after him.

“Tooru, didn’t I tell you to stay close to me?”

“Ah, sorry, Iwa-chan.” He called from his shoulder. “I just thought I saw the grass around here moving, so I came to have a look.” He crouched down to where the ferny herbage was moving and held his stick tightly in one hand. “It might be another moving plant!”

“Hey, don’t do that!”

“Relax, Iwa-chan!” Tooru waved around his tree branch as an attempt to reassure him. He looked over his shoulder and added, “it’s nothing to worry—”

Before he finished, something that looked like a thick green cord shot up from the ground and attached itself to Tooru’s arm. The next thing he heard was a sudden, piercing cry of pain and a loud thud when Tooru fell back on the ground, trying to forcefully wave away whatever thing was on his arm.

“It hurts! Let go! Please! It hurts!”

It was a snake. A snake had bitten him. And it refused to let go.

Hajime’s mind went blank.

In an instant, he was at Tooru’s side with his hands around the snake’s head. None of the sounds in the forest reached his ears. Not Tooru’s voice, not the snake’s hissing, not even the LOUD crunch of leaves beneath his feet. In that moment, it felt as if his entire being was there to fulfill a single purpose.

He gripped the snake by its jaw and attempted to loosen its anchor on the flesh. For a brief moment, he caught a clear glimpse of where the fangs were buried, making his fingers tighten even more.

Just in time before Hajime would have crushed its head, the snake finally gave in and he immediately tossed it as far away as his arms would allow.

Tooru, face red and sweat on his forehead, stayed on the ground, panting heavily. Hajime quickly sat next to him and with shaking hands, clumsily took his arm to assess the damage. He tried to wipe away the blood with the cleanest part of his sleeve, making the other flinch terribly.

All the color from Hajime’s face had drained. On Tooru’s forearm, just near his wrist, were six punctures, and four of them looked quite deep. Many things flashed in his mind all at once. He had entered the forest many times with his father, but never had he encountered snakes in any of their trips. He vaguely remembered being told how to handle a situation like this, but he never seriously listened when it was explained to him. He was suddenly furious at himself for not paying attention. A heavy slab of cement seemed to have dropped to the pit of Hajime’s stomach. Dread. He was so afraid it was almost nauseating. He was worried and terrified and his mind was nothing short of a mess as he tried to recall if there was anything about snake bite cures his mother had told him about. His breathing was heavy and he could feel every thump his heart made on his throat.

“Iwa-chan… Iwa-chan, your hands are cold.” Tooru said. His brows knit as he touched Hajime’s warm cheek with the back of his hand. “Are you okay, Iwa-chan?”

 _What? Why is_ he _asking if I’m okay? Shouldn’t it be the other way around?_ He _was the one who got bitten by a snake. Is_ he _alright? Doesn’t it hurt? Isn’t he afraid?_ Why _is he so calm?_

“Tooru,” he said seriously. “Are _you_ okay? Does it… Does it hurt?”

A sort of relief crossed Tooru’s face. He smiled. “I’m okay. But it still stings. Thank you for saving me from that snake, Iwa-chan. I knew I could count on you!” He looked at the punctures on his arm and Hajime took note of how he paled as he pulled his lips into a straight line. “Say, Iwa-chan…” He swallowed a lump on his throat and his broke, “d-do you think I’m gonna die?”

The dread in Hajime’s stomach seemed to have grown a hundredfold after that question. He couldn’t answer. He heard about snakes that could kill people in a few minutes, and even faster if the victims were children. He was still in a state of panic and his face had probably distorted in his horror because all of a sudden, Tooru’s eyes glimmered and he eventually burst into tears.

“I knew it! I knew it! I’m gonna die, Iwa-chan! I’m gonna die!” He bawled as Hajime scampered to the nearest bushes and restlessly tried to look for anything that could help. “It’s been a really nice life, Iwa-chan! I’m really glad I got to know you and be friends with you! Every day that I played with you was so fun and it made me really happy. Tell Matsun and Makki and Bokkun and Kuro-chan and everyone else that I was happy to have met them and, and tell Ushiwaka-chan that he’s ugly and I never really liked him,” he wiped the snot from his nose, “Iwa-chan, p-please be really, _really_ sure to tell my parents I love them a lot even though sometimes they made me do chores. Also, please tell them not to forget to feed and play with Pochi. He loves to play in the afternoon. And, and tell my parents they can give my stuff away, but tell them to give you the sugar bunny. I was saving it for my birthday, but I want you to have it since—” he let out a wail “—I’m not going to live to have another birthday anymore!”

Hajime’s heart was beating really fast as he tried desperately to think of any alternative herbs he could use to at least alleviate the pain. He was almost diving in the nearby shrubs looking for anything familiar to him and mumbling to himself. In his head, he was already screaming strings of curses that his mother would not be proud of. He was really tense, running around nervously to Tooru’s blubbering until—

He stopped. He stood perfectly still and Tooru stopped crying.

“Huh?”

Hajime remained perfectly still.

“W-Wait, Iwa-chan!” Tooru clutched at the hem of Hajime’s clothes and howled, “please don’t give up on me, Iwa-chan! Don’t stop yet, I know you were looking for something to cure me with so don’t stop! I don’t wanna die yet, I’m still too young and beautiful to die! Please Iwa-chan, I want to be with you longer! I want to live!” He wiped his face with his sleeve. “Don’t give up on me, Iwa-chan, I also have hopes and dreams just like you, so go keep looking—”

There was one swift motion, a loud _argh_ from Tooru and a calm but very vexed Hajime.

“Ow, ow, owww!” A hand shot up to rub his throbbing forehead. “What did you do _that_ for, Iwa-chan? My arm hurts and I’m already dying and you give me a headbutt? A _headbutt_? What’s the matter with you!”

“Shut up, Tooru. You’re not gonna die, okay? Not on my watch. I think I remember seeing a snake bite herb earlier. I’ll go get it so stay put!”

Tooru caught a handful of Hajime’s clothes. “I don’t want to be alone, Iwa-chan! I’m coming with you!” He stood up and firmly latched his hand onto Hajime’s. “I’ll stay close to you this time.”

Hajime knew that if there was anything that had to be done first, it was to wash and clean Tooru’s wounds. But he had no idea which direction the river was, and his house, although it was near the edge of the woods, was too far away. If they waited until they made the trip back home, the venom might completely spread throughout his body and it would be too late. He couldn’t let that happen, no matter what. The only solution he thought of was to look for a certain herb. The liquid from its stem and flowers were an anti-venom, if he recalled correctly. It was lucky that he remembered seeing it earlier, so they backtracked through the beaten path, looking for white flowers with reddish violet markings.

“Iwa-chan, Iwa-chan, is that it?” Tooru pointed to a vine that crept up a towering tree. “The flowers are white and I think it has the markings you were talking about.”

The vines were a ways up. The tree bark was smooth; it would be difficult, if not impossible, to climb it without any tools. Hajime looked for a long, sturdy branch on the forest floor since Tooru lost his a while back.

“This should do it,” he said as he held the branch tightly by its thicker end. He turned to the tree and proceeded to entwine the long, coiled stems. Collecting the vines at the end of a lengthy branch proved to be challenging. Tooru asked if he needed help, but some way or other, he managed just fine. “Alright, aaand…” He made a sudden jerk and the vines came off the tree, scattering both its seeds and some bugs all around. Hajime examined the plant. The stems were stiff and red-tinged and in the middle of its wide, white petals were reddish violet markings. “I think this is it.”

Tooru broke into a grin. “That’s a relief!” he said with a sigh. “So, how do you use that, Iwa-chan?”

Hajime thought for a moment. He had to crush the stem and flowers and it would probably work if he made them into some sort of paste to slather onto the wounds, but he had nothing to do the trick. He breathed in and swallowed what fluid there was in his mouth and then—

“Iwa-chan? Iwa-chan! What are you doing! Why are you eating the vines? Have you gone crazy? Hey, Iwa-chan!" Tooru panicked. The other ignored him as he continued stuffing his mouth with handfuls of the stems and flowers and furiously chewing on them. Tooru set both his hands on Hajime’s arm, trying to stop him from putting in another mouthful, “Iwa-chan, please don’t go crazy on me, I don’t want to spend my life with a crazy Iwa-chan!”

Hajime then took Tooru’s injured arm and gobbed out the chewed up herbs, which he spread thickly over the punctures. “Don’t be stupid. I’m not crazy. This. It’s supposed to kill, I think? The poison. So don’t move too much.” He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and spat before chewing another mouthful of the plant.

Tooru made a strange whine. He sounded uncomfortable and in pain and awfully distressed. He clutched at his arm, just before the crook of his elbow. Hajime stopped chewing and worriedly turned to him, but he was met with an assuring pat on the shoulder and a motion of a hand. “I’m okay, Iwa-chan. I’m okay.”

Hajime saw Tooru’s fingers digging into his skin and his brows knit together. “Har woo shurr?” He asked through a full mouth of vines and flowers.

Tooru’s grip on his arm loosened until he finally let go. “Huh?”

Hajime swiped away the chewed up herbs on the injured arm and plastered on a fresh batch. “What is it?”

“My arm… It’s starting to go numb. I can’t feel my fingers, Iwa-chan.” He paused and smiled thoughtfully. “But rather than the chewed up herb juice, that’s just probably because of Iwa-chan’s spit. You’re probably poisonous, too!” He laughed, ignoring the insulted look on Hajime’s face. “Anyway, it was really, really gross but it’s numbing, so it must be working. I’m really happy you did that for me. Thank you, Iwa-chan!”

Hajime couldn’t remember any numbing side effects about that particular plant. The uneasy feeling in his insides seemed to have formed again, but he tried to ignore it. “It’s okay. Let’s just hurry home so mom could take a look at you.”

Tooru gripped Hajime’s hand tightly as they tread and wove through the woods. From time to time, Hajime asked if he was alright or if his arm hurt or if he needed anything, and every time, Tooru just smiled at him and assured him that he was perfectly fine and that there was nothing to worry about.

There was, though.

What if Hajime had given him the wrong herb? What if instead of making him better, it just made the situation worse? And even if he gave him the right plant, what if it’s not enough to stop the snake’s poison? What if the venom’s too potent that it already scoped places that no cure could reach? And if it did, what if they don’t make it home on time? The thought brought back all the fear from before.

Hajime squeezed back Tooru’s hand and they jogged faster. They were nearly at the edge of the forest and in a minute more, a roof appeared in between the tops of the trees. Just a little more. As the house grew in sight, he glanced at Tooru. He seemed fine and just as determined as he was to get home.

“Mom! Mom!” Hajime shouted as they ran to the kitchen. “Where are you? Tooru’s here! You need to take a look at him, he’s injured!”

“I’m coming, I’m coming!” Came a voice from the workshop.

A tall woman with deep brown hair and a nose the same as Hajime’s came bustling through doorway. Her sleeves were tied back and the apron she wore over the large bump on her abdomen was stained with a variety of greens. This was not the first time the two children came running home with an urgent matter to get across. She sat herself on one of the low-set stools and calmly asked what happened.

“Mom, look.” Hajime prodded Tooru to show his arm to his mother. “A snake… A snake bit him.”

His mother’s brows raised in surprise. “A _snake_ , you say? Hmmm.” She carefully took the child’s arm. Most of the dried herb paste were already gone. She took whatever debris was left and felt and rolled and crushed it with her fingers. She recognized its texture and consistency. “How and why did you encounter a snake?”

“Oh, umm…” Hajime was alarmed for a moment, then quickly looked away and began to rub at his arm. “Well, you see, mom… It was…”

“I asked Iwa-chan to go to the forest with me, aunt Kayoko. Ushiwaka-chan showed me really pretty flowers earlier. I wanted to get even prettier ones, so I asked Iwa-chan to go with me. At first he didn’t want to go because he said it was dangerous, but I still told him to go with me anyway. Please don’t get angry with him, aunt Kayoko. Iwa-chan was really brave today. He grabbed the snake by the head and wrestled it away from my arm then threw it really far away! He was really cool! And he even went and chewed up flowers for my arm, so please don’t get angry with Iwa-chan! It was all my fault, after all!” Tooru placed both his hands on her arm and lowered his head. “If you’ll get angry, aunt Kayoko, please get angry at me instead.”

Since the moment Tooru had been bitten by the snake, Hajime already mentally prepared himself for the scolding he was sure his mother would give him. In fact, he was prepared to stomach any punishment he would have had to face. He looked to his friend and all at once, relief, gratitude, sadness and guilt fell heavily on his shoulders. “Tooru…”

“Well,” she began as she crossed her arms, “I’m not going to get angry at anyone—”

“Wait, what?” Hajime blurt out. He felt a need to be reprimanded for his carelessness. “But aren’t you mad that Tooru got bitten by a snake, mom? That I let it happen? Isn’t the snake’s poison dangerous? What if it damages him…” he gulped, “ _permanently_? If I lose him, it would be all my fault and I’ll never be able to forgive myself!”

Kayoko smiled and patted the top of her son’s head. “It’s not your fault Too-chan got bitten by a snake. You’re taking too much responsibility, Hacchan. There was nothing you could have done to prevent that. Except maybe not go into the forest in the first place,” she said with a gentle giggle. “What color was the snake?”

“Huh? What does it matter?”

“It was green!” Tooru answered.

“Just green?”

“Yes!”

“Did you notice any markings on the snake?”

“Ummm…”

“There weren’t any markings anywhere. The whole snake was just green,” Hajime said.

“I see. Then that snake wasn’t venomous,” she said, earning looks for relief and surprise from the children. “There aren’t a lot of snakes in the woods and the only ones you’ll find aren’t venomous. Your father only said that to scare you so you wouldn’t trail off on your own, which apparently didn't work. As for getting angry, well… I’m more annoyed about you two going off into the forest alone, really.” She turned to Tooru, “you’ll be fine, dear. Just a little antiseptic and that wound will heal in no time.”

“So there are snakes that _aren’t_ poisonous.”

“There are. In fact, most snakes in the world aren’t venomous, I believe.”

“Oh.” The two children said in unison.

“Then, how can you tell if the snake is venomous, mom?”

“You can tell by their stripes and markings. My mother and my teacher always said the same thing: if red touches black, it’s a friend of jack. But if black touches yellow, then you’re soon a dead fellow. It was easier to remember that way. That’s how you tell if a snake is venomous. Also, there’s a difference between venomous and poisonous, but basically, the general rule is that if you bite it and you die, then it’s poisonous. If it bites you and you die, then it’s venomous. So I suppose you can say that snakes are venomous.”

“Venomous, venomous,” Tooru repeated thoughtfully. He let out a loud breath. “Well, that’s a relief! I guess we worried for nothing, huh, Iwa-chan? And I already told you my last wishes while we were in the woods!” He laughed.

“And you even wanted me to tell Ushiwaka he was ugly.”

“Well, it’s true! Even you think so, too!”

Kayoko chuckled and patted his head with a smile. “Like I said, you’ll be fine. And I won’t get angry at anyone, but I’ll probably lecture you two about how important it is that you do not go into the forest. Not alone, at least. It’s just as your father says, Hacchan. It can be a really dangerous place. The same goes for you, too, Too-chan.” He nodded. She turned to her son, “now, what plant did you use for Too-chan’s arm, dear?”

“It was a vine. The flowers were white and it had violet sort of reddish—oh wait,” he reached into his pocket and pulled out a particularly thick vine speckled with flowers, “here it is. I kept some in case Tooru needed more. I remember dad telling me about a plant that looks like this and that it works against snake venom.” His mother took the plant and examined it, from the tip of the stems to each part of the flower.

“The anti-venom herb looks a lot like this, except the flower has four slender petals and one of the petals is thinner and longer than the others. And the markings look similar, because the colors are the same. It’s not surprising you mistook this for _shinren_ ,” his mother said as she set the herb down on the table.

“Oh. So, this isn’t the anti-venom herb?”

Kayoko shook her head, “it’s not. This is _makino_.” Hajime frowned, but she smiled and continued, “but, it is a first aid herb. It’s a really good antiseptic. It works really deep and really fast and it keeps wounds from getting infected. That’s why Tooru’s arm isn’t swelling too much right now. It also keeps scarring to a minimum when the wound heals. Good job on finding this one, Hacchan,” she said, ruffling his hair.

“I’m not gonna die _and_ I get to stay beautiful? I really am lucky!”

Hajime shot him a look but before he said anything remotely scathing, Kayoko spoke again. “I _am_ a bit worried, though. Your father and I don’t usually use this because even though it numbs, this can be really, really painful before it does.” She looked to the shorter of the two. “How did you feel when Hacchan used this, Too-chan?”

“Hmmm.” Tooru made a face where his lips bunched up at one corner. “First it stung, then my arm hurt a real lot up to here,” he pointed to the area just below his elbow. “It was really, really painful, like my arm was being melted from the inside. And it was like I could feel every drop of my blood in my veins, aunt Kayoko! It was really scary!”

“What? But you said you were fine! Why didn’t you tell me it hurt?” Hajime asked.

“Iwa-chan, if I told you it hurt, you would have worried even more,” he said matter-of-factly. “Besides, it didn’t even last that long. After that, my arm went numb up to my fingers, but now I can feel again.”

After Kayoko praised him for braving out something so excruciating, she assured him that what he felt was perfectly normal. She then proceeded to clean and dress his wounds. She also gave them a lengthy sermon about not straying into the forest alone, saying that they could have asked her to come with them because she, in fact, knew about many beautiful and interesting flowers that would have put all the flowers Ushiwaka would have picked to shame. Tooru smiled and made her promise to take them on that trip. She agreed. The children then went on to tell about the moving plant they picked earlier. Kayoko said that there were a lot of uses for them, including being an anti-venom, but that the venom of the snake it was used for was half across the world from them. Some time while she was finishing up, Tooru asked Kayoko not to tell his parents about the snake bite. She bargained with him, guaranteeing not to say anything about the snake bite if they don’t to roam into the forest again. When they agreed, Kayoko then sent them to the living room with some snacks before preparing dinner.

Tooru had just finished his fourth _daifuku_ when he looked out the window. “It’s already getting late. I should get going, Iwa-chan. Pochi’s probably getting lonely, too.”

“I’ll go with you,” Hajime said as he stood up.

“Aww, Iwa-chan, you love me so much you wanted to make sure I get home safe! I’m touched!”

Hajime sat back down.

The ground, the wooden posts and windows of houses, the faces of each passerby, everything was slowly being plunged into the creeping orange glow of the sun. It had just begun to set when the two children set off. Tooru kept checking his arm, hoping out loud that no one in his home would take notice of it. Hajime assured him that no one would notice if he just shut up about it.

“Too bad we left the moving plants in the woods,” Tooru said, sighing.

“We needed to hurry home to get you treated. We can always go back again.”

“Ah, you’re right. We can even ask aunt Kayoko to go with us next time!” They continued to walk through the streets, which grew quieter the further they walked. Tooru listened to the sounds of their footsteps. “I’m glad I was able to keep my promise to you, Iwa-chan.”

Hajime looked at him, confused. “Promise?”

“The one I made to you before we went into the woods. I told you I won’t let anything bad happen to you, right? And I kept my promise. Even though you didn’t want to do a pinky promise with me earlier.”

Hajime frowned. “But something happened to _you_ , though,” he muttered without looking at him.

“That doesn’t matter now, Iwa-chan. I’m alive, aren’t I?” He grinned.

Hajime did not answer and kept quiet for the remainder of the trip. Possibly because he was tired, or because he thought Hajime wanted a bit of silence, Tooru did the same until they were just a skip away from the Oikawa residence. The trip was not long and Tooru’s house was not particularly far from Hajime’s, but for some reason, whenever they go to each other’s houses, unless there was something urgent they had to attend to, they would always take their time getting there.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Iwa-chan!” Tooru waved to him but just as he turned he felt a hand around his wrist. “Hmm?”

“Tooru, I…” He hesitated for a moment, then he drew a breath. “If the snake had been venomous and I didn’t give you the right medicine for it and I just ended up making it worse, then,” he paused, trying to shake off the terrible possibilities, “I don’t know what I’d do. We got lucky today, but I can’t always rely on just being lucky. I promise I’ll work really hard and study herbs and I’ll be a really good herbalist! So you wouldn’t have to worry about anything like that happening.”

Hajime did not know what kind of face he was making, but he suddenly grew conscious of himself because Tooru smiled at him. A genuine, serene smile.

It gave him goose bumps.

“You know, you’re too serious. And responsible. You’re too young to be serious and responsible, Iwa-chan,” he poked the other’s nose, “but I’m happy that you’re thinking of me, Iwa-chan. And I really don’t think you’ll make a great herbalist,” Hajime looked awfully affronted and Tooru suppressed a giggle, “because I think you’ll be the _best_ herbalist who ever lived! So work extra hard, okay?”

Hajime’s face brightened and he stuck out his finger, which Tooru took in his own. “I promise!”

The sky had already turned a deep indigo a long while ago and the birds on his window sill were long gone, as well. His shadow that was previously cast by the sun was now cast by a pair of candles he had lit in the midst of his studying. There was a knock on the door and a warning of someone coming in, but he failed to take notice.

“Haji-nii, dinner’s ready. Mom told me to come get you.” The small boy who came into the room sat by his brother’s heavily littered table. His head tilt in question. “Why are you smiling?”

“Huh?” With traces of a grin still evident across his face, Hajime tore himself away from his thoughts, “was I smiling?”

“Yes, you were. You look really gross.” A white flower with slender petals and blots of reddish violet earlier caught his eye. He took it and held it up as he examined it from different angles. “What were you smiling about?”

“Nothing. Just something that happened a long time ago.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> holy frick frack i fell in love with these two because of that one doujin from Gusari (heaven knows her art is amazing plus the plots rip your heart into a million pieces i s2g) also i love iwaizumi he is everything i stand for plus idk but i really relate to oikawa god that child is so precious  
> anyway thanks a million to Kams, who i constantly pester about this thing i'm writing sorry and thank you for bearing with me ;u;
> 
> also i really did researches on flowers and pulled out my old botany notes for that lmao (also the thing about snake stripes was mentioned in school, it feels nice to put legit shit i learned in fics ok)


	3. Someone Has to Go

Hajime thought it was a nice day for a walk. It was still early for most, and the morning was cold. High above him, the sky wore a blanket of clouds, with the sun occasionally peeking from the spaces between them. All was quiet. He liked these mornings.

He liked these mornings because they lent him time to think about things that were not about runs he had to make, chores he had to do, or plants and medicine he had to study.

It had already been weeks since the purification ceremony, but there were times when his thoughts catch him off guard, and he finds himself replaying that day’s events. When that happened, he would allow himself to dwell in them, and every time he did, the worse he felt.

He shook his head. “Nothing will change even if I think about it over and over,” he told himself.

He was already done running errands and was on his way home when he passed by the small pub run by a friend’s family. The front door slid open and out came a short empty barrel, followed by a wooden ladle held by a tall man with a mess of black hair that stood up in all directions.

“Top of the morning,” the man said when he spotted Hajime. He wore a lazy grin and waved the ladle at him. “You haven’t dropped by the pub in a while now. You know it gets lonely without you.”

“Morning, Tetsurou,” Hajime said. “I only went there a couple of times before and I doubt it gets lonely there with you running the counter.”

“Aww, I’m touched.” He laughed. “Say, I’ve been hearing things lately.”

“Then you should probably have yourself checked.”

Tetsurou opened his mouth to continue, but instead made a face at Hajime, who donned a grin. “ _Very_ funny. Anyway,” he waved the wooden scoop in dismissal, “I’ve heard the temple’s short on hands right now and they’re looking for a new employee.”

Hajime raised a brow. “Oh? And why are you telling me this?”

“I thought it might be interesting news for you, you see. Since apparently, they need someone knowledgeable with _herbs_.”

Hajime’s eyes widened in surprise, but he caught himself and immediately tried to appear as calm as possible, hoping his surprise went unnoticed.

But Tetsurou was sharper than he looked. He smirked, a little more mischievously than Hajime was comfortable with, and nudged on, “I don’t suppose you would know _anyone_ up for the job, would you? I mean, the herbalist serving the temple is practically the divine minister’s right hand. Gets to be around his _Sacredness_ more than anyone else in the whole temple.” Hajime opened his mouth, but before anything came out, Tetsurou added, “my pops told me he saw some horses coming down from the mountains.”

“Wait, you mean—?”

“Just a heads up, my friend,” he said and bent over to carry the barrel. “Well, I have to be at the Kozume brewery in a few minutes.” He grinned his usual grin and bode him, “see you around!”

On his way home, Hajime did his best to at least keep focused enough not to bump into anything or anyone. After hearing the news, the morning he was previously enjoying was now but a hazy backdrop for his thoughts.

His family were the only herbalists in the village. The next village was more or less a day and a half’s journey on horse. If the temple needed an herbalist, then he could fill up that job. If he went and served the temple, then he will see Tooru again after so long. But, on the premise that they _do_ meet again—

His stomach lurched.

Tooru.

How would he be like? Would he be the same person from back then? Loud and mischievous and always getting on his nerves. When Tooru sees him, would he greet him with open arms and tear up and cry _Iwa-chan, Iwa-chan_ , like before? Hajime would probably laugh it off and oblige him. The possibility was comforting.

But then, what if just the opposite happened? What if the Tooru he would serve were a completely different person? The same person who blessed the lands from weeks before? He looked so dignified and mature. What if Tooru doesn’t give any hint of acknowledgement, just as what happened back then? No trace of a smile, no trace of the happy child Hajime knew.

His lungs felt heavy. He decided to pull himself away from his thoughts. They were getting toxic. They always tended to.

He took a breath.

The temple needed a new herbalist.

He stopped in his tracks and his eyes widened in apprehension.

 _Wait._ The temple needs a new herbalist. _Why_ do they need a new one?

Though Hajime already half-expected that there would be some sort of gathering at his house, seeing unfamiliar horses tethered to the trees near the garden still surprised him a little. People really _were_ there, he told himself.

There were three horses: white, roan and brown. On their left shoulders were small red characters that were the name of the god whom the temple was built for. Between the long necks of the horses was a mop of orange bobbing in and out of view from the withers. Upon closer inspection, it was a boy who appeared to be six, maybe seven years younger than him. He was small, and standing by the tall horses made him look tiny.

“Come on, Dynamite, I can’t brush you properly if you don’t stay still, you know?” Hajime heard him say. The boy saw him and was startled. He struggled to compose himself and stuttered, “oh, g-good after-ah-morning,” bowing timidly.

“Morning,” Hajime said. “Hey, relax, kid.”

“Y-Yes, thank you! Not at all!” He heard the kid say as he walked past.

He knew that in his house were people from the temple, possibly a couple of council members accompanied by one or two acolytes. The thought of meeting with them made him nervous. The feeling made him remember the last time he saw Tooru before he left for the temple.

When he entered his house, he was met with his brother in the shop.

“They’re upstairs. Mom told me to tell you to go inside when you get here, Haji-nii.”

“Right. Thanks.”

Hajime deliberately made his way to the living room. Just before he reached the entryway, he stopped in his tracks, questioning whether or not participating in the discussion was even necessary. He stayed hidden in the shadows, driving away his doubts. Members of the council were there from the temple. Anything that had anything to do with members of the council was surely important. And he was about to be a part of it.

He decided to listen in the conversation first.

“… and now she wishes to see you,” a man’s gruff voice said.

“You _are_ aware that I am a capable healer, and an excellent one, at that,” Hajime heard his mother say sharply. “You could have told me this sooner. You _know_ I could have helped. I could have done something.”

“I understand how you must feel about this, Kayoko, and I deeply regret that you have to go through this,” an old woman’s voice said. “Believe us, we wanted to send word, but she insisted that she could handle herself. We have tried many times to reason with her, but to no avail. She said she did not want you to be bothered worrying about her. We planned to send word without letting her know, but she said that she would definitely know about it and even threatened to leave the temple, lest we relented.”

“And now she wants to see me. Now that things have gotten worse and she couldn’t quite keep up handling herself, she wants to see me.”

“That is her request,” the man’s voice said.

“Does the divine minister know about this?”

“We have refrained from telling him anything at the moment,” he answered. “He had just formally taken over the position. We wish not to give him too many things to worry about for now.”

“I understand,” she said. “Then… I will leave at dawn tomorrow.”

“Very well,” the man’s gruff voice said. “We will send a horseman for you before daybreak.”

“That would be unnecessary,” Kayoko said, calm with forced restraint. “I have my own horse. I can get there by myself.”

“Understood.”

There was a pause and Hajime took that chance to enter the room. He knocked on the wooden post of the entryway and went inside. He bowed before their guests, two council members who sat next to each other and behind them, an acolyte whom he recognized. They returned the gesture and Hajime set himself beside his mother.

Kayoko sat up straight, resilient. Hajime admired how his mother looked so dignified and reliable, quelling any bit of nervousness he had.

“Your eldest son, Kayoko?” The woman asked, lines creasing her face as she smiled.

“Yes.” She turned to Hajime and instructed him to introduce himself.

“Good day, I am Iwaizumi Hajime, son of Iwaizumi Kayoko and the late Iwaizumi Isshin.” He bowed his head low and said, “I am honored to be meeting with members of the council.”

“Oh, raise your head, boy, there’s no need to be too formal,” the old woman said, waving a hand in casual dismissal. “My name is Mizoguchi Nuriko, the head of the village council. This,” she gestured to the young man in a white and red hakama behind them, who nodded and gave him a smile, “is Hanamaki Takahiro, one of the high acolytes in the temple. He’s here to help carry me if my back starts hurting,” she laughed, “and this here,” she gestured to the middle-aged man beside her, “is recently appointed council member, Mizoguchi Sadayuki. I know he looks grumpy and nothing gentle as myself, but he is my son. We are most certainly pleased to meet such a fine young man like yourself.”

The councilman cleared his throat a little loudly, earning him a glare from the elder woman. “Which brings us to our next agenda. Since such was what happened to the temple’s herbalist, we would like to request your assistance about the matter at hand.”

“A new herbalist,” Kayoko affirmed flatly. “You need a new herbalist.”

“Yes.”

She heaved a heavy breath. “And you want me to replace my mother?”

“Not necessarily,” the man replied. “It is within our knowledge that you, most especially, are badly needed here in the village. The finest healer on this island should not be confined to the temple.”

“So are you saying you… want to take my son?”

No immediate answer came. The council head wore a troubled frown and her thin hands balled on her lap. Hajime saw the acolyte shift in his seat, averting his gaze. The man, on the other hand, remained steadfast, sitting tall in his place.

“The next village with any competent herbalists is more than a day’s travel away. Unless, of course, you know of someone perfectly capable in the same field.” The man looked at Hajime, then back to her. His expression softened when he spoke again, “please understand that the temple and all who reside in the village are in need of your help.”

Kayoko glanced at Hajime. There was a sort of indecision and trepidation from her that made him feel helpless. He tried to appear as strong and reassuring as he could.

Kayoko closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “We will have to talk about it first, but rest assured I will have news when I arrive at the temple tomorrow,” she said.

After a few more minutes of finalizing some matters, they were sending the guests off.

“Iwaizumi, it’s been so long since I last saw you!” The acolyte said as he clapped Hajime’s arm. “You’ve grown so tall!”

“I’d say the same, Hanamaki,” Hajime replied. “I almost didn’t recognize you, you looked so decent, I’d thought staying in the temple would make you real stiff!” He laughed.

“Nah, I still know how to loosen up, you know,” Hanamaki replied, grinning.

“So if you say you could still loosen up some once in a while, then I’ll assume Oikawa is the same? He’s a resilient bastard, after all.”

Hanamaki’s grin faded and was replaced by a thoughtful expression. “Come to think of it, I don’t exactly see him too often, since not a lot of people are allowed to. I can’t really say anything, but I’m sure he’s doing fine. Though, I think it would be better to see him yourself.” He glanced at his group, all of whom were mounting their horses. The council leader was still speaking with Kayoko. Hanamaki’s expression turned solemn as he began fiddling with the hem of his sleeve, “sorry about the news, by the way.”

“This was bound to happen sooner or later.”

“Hmmm, I guess you’re right.” Hanamaki caught sight of the boy with orange hair waving his arm from the horse he was on, gesturing him to help Nuriko get on hers.

“Who’s he, by the way?” Hajime asked.

“The kid? He’s an orphan from the mountains. The elders found him and his sister wandering around near the temple one day and decided to let them stay. He likes looking after the horses, and his sister likes tending to the garden, so the elders let them do as they please.” He waved back at the boy. “Anyway, it looks like we’ll be going.” He patted Hajime’s shoulder. “Until next time.”

“Yeah. See you.”

When the party finally disappeared, Kayoko set a hand on her eldest son’s shoulder.

“Hacchan, the three of us need to talk.”

He nodded. “Okay.”

It was afternoon and the three of them sat in the living room, not speaking and ultimately avoiding each other’s gazes. The mood from earlier seemed to have overstayed, densely hanging over them. The silence was unwelcome and uncomfortable.

To the two boys’ relief, Kayoko finally broke the silence, her voice soft and gentle.

“I knew this time would come sooner or later, but I didn’t think it would come this quickly. It caught me off guard... I just wish your father were here right now.” She gazed at the two tenderly, her lips curving into a sad smile. “Hacchan, Fucchan, I love you two very much and I’m very proud of how the both of you grew up. I’ve told you more than once that you don’t have to be herbalists if you didn’t want to, but I am very glad you two chose to be. You have no idea how much that means to me.” She took a breath and continued, “we are herbalists. Healers. _Apothecaries_ , to make it sound even more impressive,” she grinned, “we’re the only ones this village has, and we have duties we need to fulfill.”

She paused and warmth was replaced with a certain gravity. “The people from the temple came by earlier to tell me about my mother. You know that she’s the current herbalist in the temple. She has fallen ill recently and they said that her condition isn’t getting any better, so tomorrow, I’ll leave at dawn to go to the temple to see her.”

“Will you be okay by yourself?” The youngest asked.

“I’ll be fine, Fucchan. There’s nothing to worry about.” Kayoko ruffled his hair. “Your mom’s more capable than she looks.”

“The temple needs a new herbalist,” Hajime brought up.

Kayoko bit her lip before she managed to bring herself to look at him. “They do. But Hacchan—”

“Then I’ll go.” Before his mother could say anything, he continued, “you can’t leave the village, mom. The people here need you. Fumio’s too young and he still doesn’t know a lot of things—” _hey_! his brother protested “—and I’m competent enough. I’m not a perfect herbalist, but I can do a decent job. If I go, you can look after the village, and Fumio can look after you while he studies.” He glanced at his brother. “Right?”

“I already know _some_ things, Haji-nii. But yeah, you’re right. I’ll take care of mom and make sure she doesn’t overwork herself.”

“See? And you said so yourself, we have duties to fulfill. I believe I’ll be fulfilling my duty by serving the temple.”

Kayoko gazed at him for a while until she bit back the tears that had begun to pool in her eyes. She went and set herself between her sons and tightly wrapped an arm around each of them. “How did the two of you grow up so fast?” She asked into their shoulders. “It felt like only yesterday I was tucking you in for your afternoon nap. But now you’re both so mature and dependable. Your father would have been so, so proud of both of you.”

 

 

…

 

 

“Hey, Tooru. “

It was a hot day. Too hot to catch beetles, too hot to pick fruit, too hot to go to the stream, too hot to do _anything_. Though they agreed to go hunting for beetles that afternoon, they gave up ages ago, abandoning their nets and jars and sandals to lie on their backs under the shade of the great trees behind the Iwaizumi residence. The sound of the leaves swaying in the occasional breeze was calming, lulling them to sleep.

“Hey, Tooru.” Hajime tried again. “Are you asleep?”

There was an exaggerated yawn, then a resentful grumble, “I _was_ , Iwa-chan. And I _want_ to be.”

Arms splayed out wide, Hajime turned his head to look at him. Tooru’s eyes were closed, his fingers laced together on his stomach and his head snugly set on a pile of gathered leaves. He looked so serene and peaceful, like he was a different person from when he was awake, Hajime thought. He smiled and looked up at the green canopy.

A yawn escaped him and he closed his eyes. “Good night.”

When they woke up, it was cooler and the sun was about to set. Tooru said he should be getting home and he insisted, or more accurately, _pestered_ , Hajime to walk home with him. Since Hajime was done with all his chores and there was still some time before dinner, and mostly just to make Tooru stop his whining, he agreed.

“Iwa-chan," he began, "aren’t we getting too old for catching bugs?”

“You don’t have to go with me if you don’t want to.”

Tooru shook his head. “I want to, though! I have something to do and I get to spend time with you!”

“ _You_ seem happy about it,” Hajime said blandly.

“Why wouldn’t I be? I’ll get to spend another afternoon with Iwa-chan!”

“Fine, fine.” Hajime kept on walking and his mind drifted off to what they would have for dinner. “But you already see me every day, though. I often wonder why you’re not getting tired of me yet. I mean, I’d probably get tired of me after some time,” he said absently. It took him a moment, but he turned around when he noticed the other was neither beside nor behind him. Tooru was fixed in his place some steps back, mouth open and a hand on his chest. He looked so scandalized. Hajime’s brows knit. “What _now_?”

“Iwa-chan, you said something about me getting tired of you!”

“Oh.” He thought for a second. “Did I?”

“Yes, you _did_! You said so just now!”

“Huh. Well, okay. What about it?”

Tooru appeared even more affronted. “Iwa-chan, you dimwit, don’t say things like that!” He said, indignant. His fists clenched at his sides and he continued, “that’s something that will never ever happen, okay? I’ll never get tired of you!”

Hajime’s brows raised, alarmed and curious. That was unexpected. He never thought something like that would set Tooru off. In fact, up until that moment, he was almost a hundred percent sure that there was nothing that could set him off, save for one or two things. It made him wonder why that was such a big deal to him. What could he possibly be thinking now? The longer Hajime looked at Tooru with his forehead creased and lips pulled in a deep frown, the more his curiosity grew.

“Okay,” was the only thing he managed to say.

Tooru walked up next to him, looked him straight in the eye for a second, then quickly averted his gaze. “Please don’t say things like that, Iwa-chan. I won’t get tired of you.”

“Okay.”

“And please… Please don’t get tired of me, too.”

 _Ah. So_ that’s _it._

It was a habit of Tooru’s to project to himself some of the things that people do or say. That was partly why he was competitive, partly why he felt the constant need to be better, and the reason why he would sometimes become irrationally anxious about his relationships with the people who were important to him.

Hajime was sure Tooru never noticed that about himself.

For a moment, Hajime hesitated, but he eventually found the courage to reach for the other’s hand. He couldn’t remember the last time their hands linked like that, neither could he remember when and _why_ they stopped doing that. Tooru just suddenly stopped reaching for his hand and never gave him the opportunity to reach for his. Hajime had a vague idea why, and it was _not_ because they were getting too old for it, or that people might see. He had a hunch that the reason was entirely different. And he was more worried about being right than being wrong about it.

He welcomed the way Tooru’s hand fit perfectly in his: comfortable and familiar, albeit a little bit cold. He missed how it felt to hold on to something so solid and reassuring because it was right there, but that was something he swore he would never say out loud.

“You’re coming of age next year, you know,” Hajime told him as they walked. “You should pull yourself together and not worry about all the little stuff.”

No response. Not that he expected any. Just the sound of sandaled feet dragging on the ground.

“Even if you’re loud and irritating and a dumbass who’s so full of himself… You shouldn’t have to worry, you know. I won’t get tired of you.”

Hajime felt the fingers around his hand tighten. He gripped back.

They kept that pace, slow and steady until they finally reached their destination.

“Oh!” Tooru did not let go of Hajime’s hand as he made to jog toward the entrance of his home.

Outside the Oikawa residence were horses whose shoulders bore a complicated red inscription.

“Visitors? But who and why, though? It’s already late!” Tooru said as he observed the horses with great interest from a safe distance.

“I recognize the characters on their shoulders,” Hajime answered, his tone serious. “They’re people from the temple.”

“Oh! Well, isn’t that interesting, Iwa-chan!” Tooru turned to him and he saw Hajime frowning, worried. “Iwa-chan? Are you okay?”

“Tooru,” he spoke warily, “when people from the temple come to your house, it’s probably something really important.”

“Then, isn’t that a good thing? _I’m_ important, so they must be here for me!” He laughed.

Hajime pulled his lips into a tight line. Tooru’s curious smile made him waver for a moment. “You see, when people from the temple make house visits, it’s usually not good news.”

Tooru’s smile did not falter and he let out a small giggle. “ _Usually_. So, not always, Iwa-chan! You’re so serious, it’s no wonder the girls are scared of you. Relax and don’t worry about it too much! I’m sure it’s nothing _too_ serious.” He glanced at the shadows from their living room, they were all seated formally and seemed to be listening to the figure of a woman. “Well, I’ll see you, Iwa-chan. We can go catch beetles tomorrow!”

“…yeah. See you.”

Hajime remained planted where he was until Tooru disappeared into his home. He watched the shadows. One of them had long hair, which must be Tooru’s mother, he thought. She looked panicked and hurriedly ushered him upstairs. He knew Tooru would have been too young to listen in on whatever discourse there was, but the urgency of how the figure moved gave him an uneasy feeling in his stomach.

He bit his lip, turned to head home and tried to think about dinner.

The following day came, not as hot and humid as the day before, and as agreed, the two set off to catch rare-colored beetles at the edge of the forest. Hajime told Tooru to go hunt away from him because two or three times already, Tooru had accidentally hit him with his net while pursuing a tiny round insect that glinted a conspicuous red.

“It’s not my fault you blend with nature so great, Iwa-chan!” He chortled as he poised his net above a gold and black beetle with enormous pincers. “It’s like you’re something the forest puked— _ah_! Got it!” He held up the woven fabric and marveled at his new catch with bright eyes. “Look, Iwa-chan, look!” He called in delight. “It’s really pretty, look!”

Hajime approached him and inspected the insect. There was a certain wonder in his face as he watched the magnificent pincers snap. “Wow. It _is_ pretty nifty. Good job, Tooru.”

The other looked at him with polite interest. “Would you like to have it, Iwa-chan?”

“Huh? Nah, it’s fine. You should keep it. You were the one who caught it, after all. And it looks really cool, too.”

Tooru raised a taunting brow. “Hoh? Are you sure, Iwa-chan? Well that’s good, ‘cause I don’t plan on giving it to you anyway!” He laughed as he placed his prize in a jar. “I’ll keep it because it’s really cool. Like me! Which is why I’ll name him Toosuke!”

Hajime knit his brows and bunched up his lips to one side. He assumed that Tooru was in one of his moods where he would tease and taunt him about the tiniest things just for fun. Hajime was used to that, so he played along, “fine. But I bet I could catch an even cooler-looking one, just you see. And that name sounds really weird, you weird narcissist. _Kusoikawa_.”

Tooru stuck out his tongue at the insult. “I’d like to see you try finding something cooler than him. And you’re just jealous because Toosuke’s an awesome name!”

The afternoon sat and drew in without Hajime finding anything as nearly impressive as the gold beetle that Tooru caught, which earned him a few more jeers. Not that he was not used to it, but it was still annoying. Not to mention Tooru was rather talkative that day, not his usual chatter about what they had for dinner the night before, or how he had to clean up after Pochi, or how he had to help sort out his parents’ mountains of paperwork. He prattled on about a few girls he often noticed who would squeal and giggle and blush whenever he would pass by them, and how he thought it would be nice to go and actually talk to them. To be honest, Hajime thought that Tooru was not making much sense for the most part, assuming he only kept talking so it wouldn't have to be too quiet. Hajime tuned in and out, occasionally grunting in dim agreement and muttering a ‘really?’ and ‘that’s great’ here and there to the other’s continuous monologue.

“Why don’t you go and do it, then?”

“Huh?”

“Go and talk to them. You sound like you really want to go and you said they were all cute, so why not, right?”

Tooru looked at him, mouth half-open and head tilted in slight confusion. “What?”

Net in hand, Hajime finally sat down under one of the trees at the very edge of the forest and leaned back to watch his friend’s face. “I said go talk to them.”

Tooru opened his mouth to speak as he gazed back at him, but once he found that no sound was coming out, he shut it and looked away. He leaned back on the tree that Hajime sat under and said, “it’s not like I’m _that_ interested in them, you know.”

“Yeah? You really sounded like you were, though.”

“Well, I’m not.” Tooru let himself sink down next to him. He opened his mouth again but closed it soon after he did. It was a minute before he asked, “Iwa-chan? What about you? Isn’t there some girl you like?”

“Hmm? No, not really.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

Hajime was not entirely sure if he was correct about what he saw, but from the corner of his eye, it seemed like Tooru was relieved. For some reason, Hajime felt a small warmth at the pit of his stomach, but he brushed it off before it could completely settle. It was nothing, it meant nothing, he told himself.

Opposite him, Tooru looked at the patches of sky between the leaves as he placed the jar containing the black and gold beetle snugly on his lap. “Iwa-chan…” he began, “have you ever thought about what would happen after you finally become a full-fledged herbalist and you take over aunt Kayoko as the village healer?”

Hajime glanced at him. Tooru had his eyes trained on a solitary leaf that shook and tottered dangerously on the edge of its slender branch. His hands started twiddling the edges of the lid of the beetle’s jar. Hajime’s brows knit and his features formed into a frown.

This was not anything too unusual, but it was nonetheless unsettling.

“I haven’t really thought about it. Why do you ask?”

Tooru’s lips curved into a small smile and said, “I've thought about it, you know." He hummed, "I think you’ll probably stay in your workshop all day and grind up herbs and make medicine and stuff and help heal whoever goes to your house. And you’ll probably even make house calls, too. It’ll get tiring, but then at the end of the day, you’ll come home to a beautiful, loving wife who would cook your favorite meals and talk to you about a lot of things that don’t really make sense, but then you wouldn’t mind because the both of you are happy,” he attempted to mask the tiny crack in his voice with a shaky laugh. “Yeah. You two will be happy. And then maybe you’ll have a kid or two. You’ll teach them everything you know about plants and they’ll be really amazing at it like you are, and you’ll be really proud of them. I just hope you find a good-looking wife and that your kids would take after her, because I would feel really bad for them if they had to take after you. I mean, you wouldn’t want kids looking like you now, right?” Another wobbly chuckle escaped him.

“… Tooru.”

“Then you’ll take them on trips, like go hiking in the mountains, or wade in the clear river deep in the forest, to the sea, too, even. Yeah, the sea… Then hey, maybe you’ll have a dog, too. You’ll be so, so happy you’ll feel your heart swelling up like it’s about to pop!” His hands made a bursting gesture, furthering his point. There was a wistful twinkle in his eyes. “By that time… You won’t talk to me as much anymore. You’ll be so occupied with work and your wife and kids and dog that you would forget about me.” He forced out another laugh. “Man, I’ll have to start preparing for that. It’ll be really lonely when that time—”

“Oikawa,” Hajime said, forceful.

Tooru looked at him, eyes glimmering with dampness. Hajime stared back with a hard scowl.

“Don’t just go deciding my future for me when even _I_ don’t know what _I_ want to happen. What are you _really_ thinking about?”

Tooru seemingly managed to pull himself back together in a breath that he raised a brow and curled his lips into a smug smirk and said, “a lot of things, Iwa-chan. Unlike you, I think about a lot of things.”

Hajime’s scowl softened to a look of concern. “No,” he said carefully. “Don’t give me that kind of bull. I know you’re worried about something and I know you’re just trying to talk your way through it. Tell me what you’re really thinking about.”

In an instant, Tooru allowed the feebly-built façade he attempted to put up crumble under the other’s penetrating gaze. He bit his lip.

“Is it… Is it something about the people from yesterday?”

Hajime noticed the other’s hands had stopped fiddling with the jar lid and instead were gripping the whole glass container tightly.

Still biting his lip, Tooru slowly nodded.

Hajime glowered at the ground and cursed under his breath. He gritted his teeth and balled his hands into tense fists and a silent rage was boiling within him. “I knew it,” he said gravely, nails digging into his palms. “The only thing they ever bring is bad news. I knew it. I _knew_ it.”

“Iwa-chan,” Tooru cooed tentatively, “why are you angry? I… I haven’t even told you what happened.”

“I’m not angry.”

“Yes, you are.”

“… Yeah, I am.”

“Why?”

Hajime looked at him, his jaw tight. “Mom said they took my grandma away so she could become the herbalist in the temple. I never exactly met her, but I hate how it made mom really sad.”

“Oh. I’m sorry about that, Iwa-chan.”

Hajime never met his grandmother, and whenever he would ask Kayoko about her, though she would always answer happily and proudly, there was always a certain sadness whenever she did. But that reason was not enough to truly anger him. He always heard things about the council bringing nothing but bad news whenever they descend from the temple, usually to ask for help or additional _employment_ from the village, and except for rare cases and under very strict protocol, no one really returns to the village once they begin life in the temple. He always thought it was a terrible way to go by.

Knowing that much, he was sure that whatever Tooru had in mind was nothing to be happy about.

“Anyway, you wouldn’t be acting weirder than normal if it weren’t something serious,” he said. “The only times you ever got to be like that was when your parents considered leaving the village to move into a big town down south. And that other time when you found out that your mom was sick… To make you talk so much and not make sense any more than usual, this has got to be something serious.”

Beetle jar beside him, Tooru folded his legs, wrapped his arms around them, and rested his forehead on his knees. Hajime gazed at the other’s curled up form. He let out a breath and reached a hand out to pat Tooru’s head and eventually run his fingers deep into his hair.

“So what did they say?” He asked.

Forehead still to his knees, Tooru turned his head to peek at him.

“Iwa-chan,” his voice came muffled, “they told me I was going to be the next divine minister.”

Hajime’s hand stopped abruptly. His mouth hung half-open in a quiet gasp and his eyes widened, forehead creased with his knit brows. His mind swirled and suddenly nothing made sense to him.

Still curled into a ball, Tooru reached out and took hold of the other’s wrist and guided it to continue its previous soothing motions, which Hajime unconsciously resumed.

“They said the previous divine minister died and that the village needs a new one.”

“And it had to be you.”

“That’s right.”

“Why—you—it’s not even…” Hajime began. Not knowing what to say first, he let out a breath. “You haven’t even come of age yet! Don’t they have age limits? And just why does it have to be you? Hell, I bet there are a lot of other people who could do the job, so _why_ you? You’re still just a kid! What do _you_ know about any divine responsibilities?”

The visible corner of Tooru’s mouth curved into a small smile. “Dad tried to bargain with them last night. He kept asking them to wait at least until next year, but no matter how much he and mom pleaded, the council wouldn’t let them get to a decent compromise. They insisted I had to go, and trust me, they were _really_ persistent about that. They said that if I didn’t, the village would be in danger because there wouldn’t be a divine medium to protect it. I mean, I don’t think I’d get to do official stuff right away, since they mentioned I needed to undergo training, but yeah.”

“But _why_ … Just _why_ does it have to be _you_? Of all people?”

Hajime’s hand stopped again and Tooru tapped it with a finger as he spoke, “Iwa-chan, do you remember those really, really vivid dreams I used to have? You told me I was delusional but you eventually believed me when I told you about them in great detail and they really did come true. I don’t know why or how, but the people from the temple knew about those.”

“Well, it’s not like you _asked_ to have those dreams. It’s not fair they have to take you just because of that!”

“They also said I had a lot of… Spiritual energy, I think?” Tooru set his chin on top of his knees and looked into the trees. “I don’t know how they could tell, though.”

“But still, that isn’t right, no matter how you look at it! If they did that, they would be taking away your youth, your whole life, even! I mean, you have hopes and dreams, too, right? And they’re not even giving you a choice and that’s just not fair, they’re being really unreasonable and I just can’t stand for that.” Hajime said, brows knit in an awful glare. He withdrew his hand and clenched his fists. “This isn’t right. This isn’t fair.”

Tooru watched him for a moment before he took one of Hajime’s hands, gently loosened his fingers one by one and placed it back to the top of his head, prodding it to stroke his hair again. Hajime shifted closer to him, rested his arm on one of Tooru’s shoulders so he could sink his fingers more comfortably in his hair.

They remained quiet for a while until Hajime asked in hushed tones, “who else knows about this?”

“Just you. No one else.”

“Why… Why aren’t you angry about it?”

He felt Tooru’s head shake. “I know I should be, but I’m not. I’m just… I don’t know. I guess I’m just not really sure how I feel about it. It's like somehow, I sort of felt like this was bound to happen.”

Hajime felt something painful flit across his chest. Maybe it was because of the suddenness of how the news came, its immediate demand for action or because of the inexplicable feeling of helplessness in the face of the injustice of it all, but—

Tooru’s voice might have been it.

It was thick and heavy, laden with tiny, inconspicuous cracks here and there and none of his usual vigor and optimism. It was unnerving. Hajime despised the thought of it, but Tooru seemed as if he had already given up without even trying. And that was something he was convinced his friend could never bring himself to do no matter what it was about and not in a million years.

The fact that it actually happened felt ten times worse than a punch in the gut.

“You know, Iwa-chan, last night when I got home, I expected mom to come sit me for dinner with the guests. I was excited to meet them.” His mouth curled downward and he tightened his arms around his folded legs, “but instead, when mom saw me, she looked scared and worried. She nearly tripped over herself when she hurried toward me. After that, she sent me to my room. She told me not to listen and that everything will be okay.”

 _But things weren’t_ , Hajime thought. He drew his fingers more slowly and tenderly through smooth, brown hair.

“I’m not some _child_ who can’t understand anything,” he said harshly. “I’m fifteen, I’m not so stupid or ignorant not to know when something serious is happening, Iwa-chan.” He breathed out loudly from his mouth, calming himself. “They explained everything to me in the morning, though. It kind of hurt because mom was crying and they were apologizing so much, and I knew they did everything they could to keep me. I heard how and what they told the people from the temple. It was hard not to listen when they were almost yelling.” He paused and shook his head. He sighed. “In the end, I thought that this might be for the best. You know I don’t particularly believe in fate, but this might actually be a good thing, y’know?”

Hajime opened his mouth to speak, but Tooru continued, “my parents don’t want me to go, that much I’m sure of. And _you_ wouldn’t want me to go, too, since I’m sure you’ll be lonely without me to brighten up your dull, boring days.” He shrugged. “But I thought, if I went on to become the divine minister and serve the gods and all that, then I’m sure mom and dad will be proud of me, since I’ll be doing something important. And if serving the shrine means protecting the village, then that means I can protect you the things that are most important to me. I can protect you, Iwa-chan.” Tooru looked at him and grinned. “That way, I can keep you safe.” 

“Hey, don’t—”

“If I can do that, then that’s good enough for me.”

Hajime felt more helpless than ever. Tooru’s tone of finality bore at him and held him down, leaving him devoid of speech. Sure, Tooru could be a complete imbecile sometimes, but as he spoke, Hajime knew his intentions were genuine. It made him want to just—

“Or we could elope.”

Hajime nearly snapped his neck when he turned to him, making sure he heard right.

“We could elope,” he repeated, dramatically looking into the distance as the wind blew past, “leave and never come back.”

The world suddenly froze.

Elope. With Tooru. Run away from the village and start a new life somewhere no one knew their names. Near the sea. Tooru always said he wanted to see the ocean. The prospect made his chest swell with a warmth he was prepared to drown himself in.

He rolled over the word over and over in his mind, forcing it to sink in.

 _Elope_.

His lungs felt like lead, his mind went numb, and heat was slowly spreading from the bridge of his nose, to his cheeks, to his ears, to his neck.

 _Elope_.

His heart skipped a beat. Maybe two.

His vision gradually lost focus as he skimmed his mind for things they would need—blankets, changes of clothes, water containers and food, of course. There were still some unopened jars of cured vegetables and meat that could last them a week or so, he could pack that, he thought. He began mentally cataloguing all the plants he had so far studied, edible ones they could stock, poisonous ones to avoid, medicinal ones that were not so hard to prepare, especially in case of emergencies. He remembered they could use his father’s rucksack, it was sturdy and it could keep a lot of things. If they start packing now, he thought, they could leave before sunrise, and finally, _finally_ —

He heard Tooru laugh. It tore him away. 

Tooru kept laughing. It was forced and Hajime absolutely hated how it sounded. 

“I’m just _joking_ , Iwa-chan!” He said as he ducked away from Hajime’s hand, stretching out his legs and leaning back on his arms. “Come on, you don’t have to look so _repulsed_.”

“I wasn’t _repulsed_ , stupid, I was thinking about—”

“Yes, yes, I know. You’re thinking about how it’s simply _impossible_ for that to happen, or how silly and far-fetched that is. Relax, Iwa-chan, it was just a joke, so don’t take it seriously. It’s fine.” He looked far at the horizon, refusing to make eye contact.

“Hey, you’re not listening—”

“At any rate,” he pushed himself up, patting away at his clothes, “I should probably get going. Don’t bother standing up, I can go home fine on my own. I’ll see you tomorrow.” He had already taken a few steps away when he stopped and without looking back, he said, “by the way, you can keep Toosuke, Iwa-chan. I caught him for you.” And left.

Hajime bit his lip. He wanted nothing more than to stand up and run after him, but for reasons unknown, he remained rooted to the ground, unmoving as he watched Tooru’s back disappear into the distance.

“I knew that, _Kusoikawa_.”

 


	4. No Need to Memorize

There was a knock on the back door, a notice of entry and the sound of someone marching into the kitchen.

“Hello, everyone! Tooru’s here!”

The kitchen counter was overlaid by used knives and graters and mortars and pestles and jars half-filled with spiced fruit and vegetable. Hajime, aproned and splattered with greens and bits of leaves and sliced drupe, was in the midst of the mess, a large pair of scissors in hand and a knot of leaves in the other. He looked up at the new arrival.

“What are you doing here?” He asked, setting down the scissors and leaves and wiping his hands off his front.

Tooru gasped, scandalized and exaggerated. “Iwa-chan, I know you have as much manners as that tiny grape over there, but that’s no way to treat someone who just got here!” He said in mocked offense. “Am I not welcome here in your household anymore, Iwa-chan?”

He was bright and sunny and as loud and obnoxious as ever. The conversation under the trees yesterday was still fresh in Hajime’s mind and Tooru was there, acting as if nothing happened.

 _Typical of him and his dumb escapist habit_ , he thought.

Hajime deadpanned at him. He knew where this was going and he did _not_ like it.

Tooru was already busy taking a look around the muddle across the kitchen counter, picking off a greenish-yellow berry from one of the flimsy stems and popped it into his mouth, wincing at how sour it probably was.

“ _Eugh_.”

“Hey, just what—”

“Where’s aunt Kayoko?”

“Mom’s out with Fumio,” he answered, planting a hand on his hip and leaning against the counter. Tooru took the seat across from him and continued picking off berries he recognized and popping them into his mouth one by one. “Hey, why—”

“Iwa-chan,” he cut off, “let’s do something fun together today. Or actually, it doesn’t have to be fun. Just, let’s do something together today. Anything you want.”

Tooru waited for an answer, but when Hajime just stared at him with arms crossed, he sighed.

“Okay, fine. Mom and dad told me I should stay at home and spend more time with them until I needed to leave for the temple. They said they’d want to be with me as much as they still can since I’m gonna have to go sooner or later, but…” He glanced at the open window where a bird had perched on the sill, pecking at the vines that grew there. “I told them I wanted to go about my last week here in the village like normal. Keep spending my afternoons with you, you know?”

He grinned and it was unnerving.

Hajime thought for a moment. “Are you sure about that? I mean, wouldn’t that be boring?”

“You have a point. I mean I know _I’m_ the only one who ever makes your life any bit exciting, Iwa-chan, but you see, you’re _my_ normal.”

Hajime looked at him. It felt like ages since he had a decent _look_ at him. From the way his hair crossed his forehead, to the way his lips curved when he smiled, to how the light bounced off his irises. He had seen them for years and had memorized every detail about them, but even then it still felt like he hadn’t seen enough of him. His gaze glazed over every part of Tooru’s face, searching.

_For what, though?_

Tooru had his cheek propped against his open palm with a lazy grin across his face. Hajime turned to the mess across the kitchen. He was in the middle of curing vegetables. He still hadn’t let go of the prospect of leaving the village for good, even though Tooru had shrugged it off as a joke. Still, he decided he would prepare provisions. Just in case.

He took off his apron.

“So, what do you want to do today?”

 

In the end, Tooru lent a hand with whatever Hajime was doing, insisting that he swung by unannounced, not that it was anything new, and that the least he could do was help out, which was surprisingly considerate of him, Hajime thought. It wasn’t a rare occurrence, though. When Tooru would drop by in the middle of Hajime doing chores or assisting Kayoko in the workshop, he would help out with the little things, and they always appreciated that. Things always got done sooner that way.

“What next?” Hajime asked as he finished wiping the kitchen counter clean.

“Why don’t we just hang out in your room? You look a wee bit tired, Iwa-chan. You can go on ahead, I’ll bring us some tea.”

Hajime raised a brow at him. “You’re not planning to drug me, are you?”

Tooru made a deeply displeased sound. “Iwa-chan, how mean of you to think that of me! You’re too cynical, you know that? At least let me do _that_ much for you. Now be a good boy and run along, I’ll be up in a minute!” He gave the top of the other’s head two quick pats and made to send him off.

Brows knit and lips bunched up to one side, Hajime regretfully marched upstairs. He sat by the window, setting both his arms on the sill and laying his head on them. His room faced away from the mountains, so he looked to where the sky met with the vast fields of gold and green. He recalled his father often telling him that if he headed straight across the direction of the fields for three, maybe four days, he would reach the ocean. Although he always looked forward for a trip to the ocean, they never had the chance to go.

The ocean.  

Hajime had never been to the ocean, but the sheer word always reminded him of Tooru.

He sighed.

He didn’t want to think about Tooru leaving. He didn’t want to think about how he’d have to spend his afternoons without the incessant, annoying complaints and whines and nonsense fashioned in Tooru’s voice. He didn’t want to be alone. He didn’t want Tooru to go.

He detached himself from the window sill and let himself fall backwards with a dull _thud_ , lie on the floor and stare blankly at the ceiling.

He didn’t want Tooru to go.

He glanced at his closet, where he hid what supplies he managed to scrounge up that morning.

_That’s why I’m packing, right?_

But Tooru laughed it off as a joke. He told him to forget about it.

 _He wouldn’t mention it and act that way if he hadn’t_ at least _considered it._

Hajime bit his lip and exhaled loudly through his crinkled nose. Why did things had to be so damn _difficult_?

“Sighing isn’t a very good habit, you know. It’ll make you grow older faster. Wrinkles and all that.” Tooru set the tray he carried on what little free space Hajime’s table had to offer. More than half of it was cluttered with loose paper sheets, stem cuttings and half-treated bandages. Tooru sat next to him and shrugged. “But then you’re _already_ ugly, so not much is gonna change, I guess.”

“Easy for you to say,” Hajime grunted, “it’s not like I could help sighing, you know.” A familiar, sweet-smelling cube hovered over his face and he opened his mouth where Tooru dropped the pink piece of _uirou_. “Thanksh.”

“Mom made me bring some. She knows they’re your favorite,” Tooru said before popping a green one in his mouth.

Eyes still to the ceiling, Hajime’s eyes traced the fibers of aged wood straying from the supports.

“You look like you study a lot, Iwa-chan,” Tooru noted, gesturing to the clutter on the desk. “I’m honestly surprised you can get anything across that unreasonably thick skull of yours.”

“Yeah, well…” Hajime shrugged. He couldn’t say he didn’t want to risk making any mistakes, especially after the snake incident in the forest from years before. If he said that out loud now, it would just serve to fuel Tooru’s taunting. And as much as he wanted to gratify his teasing, he wasn’t going to get a rise out of him today.

Instead, Hajime opened his mouth again, where the other obliged by dropping in another piece of _uirou_.

“Do you think we’re alone, Iwa-chan?”

Hajime looked at him. Tooru had already set his elbow on the meager space on the table and propped his cheek on his hand like he did on the kitchen counter. His eyes fixed to the scenery out the window.

“What’re you talking about? I already told you mom left with Fumio earlier.”

“Not _us_ us. I mean us, _people_ us. Like, do you think we’re alone in this universe? Like if maybe in the stars, or on the moon, even… Do you think there might be other people, no, wait— _life forms_ out there? And if there are, can’t you help but wonder what they would look like?”

 _Ah, yes, there he goes again_ , Hajime thought.

“Like, would they have gray skin? Blue? Would they even _have_ any skin at all? What would they eat? Or would they even _need_ to eat? Do you think they can also feel things like we do? Maybe feel happy or sad or angry or lonely like us? Do you think they’re also thinking if there are other life forms far away from them like I’m thinking right now?”

“I don’t know,” he shrugged, “maybe? I mean, if you say they live in the stars or on the moon or some other big floating thing in the sky, there isn’t exactly any way to get there, so then I guess we’ll never know. But I think it’ll be interesting if there _were_ other people out there.”

“It _is_ interesting to think about, isn’t it?” Unperturbed, Tooru kept his eyes out the window.

They kept quiet for a time. Tooru seemed satisfied with keeping silent and just staring out to the fields. Hajime wondered what he was thinking.  

“I wonder what the world’s like outside the village.”

Hajime hummed in thought. “Dad,” he began, “he told me there were islands where it was summer all year round, and valleys where it snowed all year round. He told me there were a lot of different people with a lot of different customs, like kissing your cheeks twice when they greet you. He said the world’s a really big place.”

He heard Tooru snicker.

“What’s so funny?”

“I don’t need to greet you if I wanted to kiss your cheeks twice, Iwa-chan. I’d just do it.” Before Hajime could contest, he continued, “you know, I think it’s really funny that the world’s _that_ big, but here we are, stuck in this village. Not that I’m complaining. I wouldn’t mind being stuck here as long as I’m with you, so…” He shrugged. “I just thought it would be fun to explore the world, y’know?”

Hajime finally sat up. “Hey, umm,” he started. He knew had to tread carefully around this, lest he wanted Tooru to dismiss him again. “You know, we _could_ go out and explore the world, tropical islands and all. And if we ever get tired of it, we could just…” His voice was faltering and he could feel every inch of his face uncomfortably warm. He couldn’t _believe_ he would be saying this, but he took a breath and pressed on, “we could maybe find a nice place, near the ocean, maybe. And then—”

“That sounds nice, Iwa-chan, it really does,” Tooru said.

From the corner of his eye, Hajime could see the faint flush of Tooru’s cheek that reached up to his ears and the small sad smile that graced his face. Hajime wanted to go on and see where the conversation would go. He believed he could coax out a decent response from him.

But he was cut short with a question, “hey Iwa-chan, could I spend the night here?”

 “What?” He was taken aback by the abruptness of the request. “I mean, of course you could, but did you plan to stay over today?”

Without looking at him, Tooru answered, “no.”

“Oh.” Hajime’s eyebrow quirked. “Would it be okay with your parents?”

“I’m sure they’ll be fine with it,” he answered, his gaze still outside the window.

Later that afternoon, Tooru left for home to get himself a change of clothes and some sweets for his night’s stay at the Iwaizumi residence. Hajime, left alone in his room, was left to ponder how he could bring up leaving— _eloping_ , the word still made him feel giddy—without being brushed off.

The evening went by how it usually did when Tooru stayed over. Dinner with Hajime’s family, Tooru tag-teaming with Fumio to play pranks on Hajime, and finally topping the day off with a bath and a relaxing soak in the herb-infused tub. Kayoko insisted Tooru go first, who conceded to let Hajime take the first dip who, though incredulous, obliged.

Hajime, fresh out the bath, sat in his futon and tried not to think about his father’s rucksack, half-filled with provisions, sitting in his closet.

Instead, he reached for the journal he had made of the herbs he had studied so far and leafed through the pages until he reached one where leaves with serrated edges and a faint mint scent were tucked in. Beside them were chamomile flowers and leaves. He smiled at a memory, giggles threatening to escape him.

“I know you can be weird sometimes, Iwa-chan, but I like seeing you laugh.” Tooru sat down on his own futon beside him and grinned. “What are you laughing about?”

Hajime smiled at him and it might have just been his imagination, or the fact that Tooru just got out of the bath, but Hajime thought that he caught a slightly stunned expression that flit across Tooru’s flushed face.

“Remember that time when you had a really bad stomachache because you had too much gas?”

Tooru made a face. “W-What?”

“Your stomach hurt a lot and you couldn’t burp or fart out all that gas,” Hajime continued, giggles bubbling again. “I said we had to cut a hole through your belly to let out all that gas and you bawled because you were so afraid of getting a hole cut through you. Mom said it was a joke, though. Of course it was.” He smiled fondly. “Then we had to give you chamomile tea with the peppermint oil I made that morning and you kept farting for a long while after that. I had to reel you out to sit under the trees so you wouldn’t stink up our whole house.”

Tooru’s face grew red as he frowned. “Stop remembering something embarrassing like that, Iwa-chan! Don’t you want to remember something more elegant about me?” He whined. “Erase that from your memories, will you!”

“No way! It was really funny, why would I want to forget that?”

Tooru whined some more after that, until Kayoko checked in on them and told them not to stay up too late. When they both finally settled into their futons, a quiet blanketed them for a while until Hajime, lying flat on his back with his eyes to the loose fibers on his ceiling, spoke.

“Hey Tooru?”

Tooru, who had been on his side with his elbow propped up and his cheek set against his palm, continued to gaze at him. “Yes?”

“Since you’re… You know, since you’re leaving, don’t you want to make memories or something?”

“Of course I do, Iwa-chan.”

Hajime turned to look at him. His expression was unreadable. His open eyes, appearing black in the shadows of the evening, were blank and his lips hung in a loose line.

“Then why spend your last days with me? Shouldn’t you be out there _making_ memories or something?”

“I already am.” He said calmly. “I’m already trying to memorize everything that we did today. Everything you said, everything you did, and all the faces you made today. I’ll memorize everything that happens from now on until the time I have to leave.”

Hajime was relieved that it was dark in his room, save for the scarce moonlight that came into his window. He knew his face was turning red and was glad that Tooru couldn’t see him properly. He hated the fact that Tooru had to leave, but what he said about memorizing him gave him a warmth that pooled in his core.

“Stop staring at me, you dumbass.”

He expected Tooru to rise up to a taunt, but it never came. Instead, he spoke in a steady voice, firm and sure.

“No.”

“Why?”

“Let me take you in while I still can, Iwa-chan. Even though you’re ugly, I’ll memorize and stock up every last image of you that I can, since they’ll be the only company I’ll have when I get to the temple.”

Hajime scowled. He hated how hot his face was feeling, hated how the warmth in his stomach dissipated into a sort of helpless rage. He hated how much he wanted to throw off his covers and pull Tooru into him and tell him that instead of just remembering how he looks, he’d prefer to be remembered by how he felt—how _comforting_ he was—as well. He hated how much he just wanted to run away with him, away from all the people who want to take him away, and never come back. That way, they wouldn’t have to trouble themselves with memorizing each other because they would always be together.

But most of all, he hated how, for some godforsaken reason, he couldn’t find the courage to do any of that now.

“Whatever. Do what you want. I’m going to sleep.” It was all he said before he turned away and placed himself more comfortably in his blankets.

He heard a soft chuckle from Tooru.

“Good night, Iwa-chan.”

“You should get to bed, too.”

Hajime pretended to sleep after that. The feel of Tooru’s gaze on his back kept him awake that night.

In the morning, Hajime stirred and woke up to a numbness in his hand. He turned his head and found Tooru curled up on his side, his face cupped against Hajime’s hand.

He shifted closer to him, careful not to move his hand under Tooru’s cheek and stared into his face, serene against the soft glow of the early morning sunlight.

He vaguely recalled the night before, just when he was on the cusp of sleep, there was a quick peck on his cheek, Tooru probably thinking he was already asleep.

A sudden gush of fondness engulfed him, just as a profound sadness ate at him from the inside. He noticed a fresh trail of tears on the other’s face. Albeit very rarely, Hajime knew this kind of thing happened. And every time it did, he held Tooru’s hand and told him that everything will be okay.

Except he wasn’t so sure anymore.

His free hand brushed at the warm dampness that coursed down Tooru’s cheek.

Hajime studied him again. His closed eyes, his slightly opened mouth, the light in his hair. And again, the shape of his face, the curve of his jaw, the dip down his neck. And finally, Hajime imagined, the curl of his lips when he smiled, the white of his teeth when he laughed, the ring of his voice when he called his name.

Before Hajime knew it, he was already reaching for Tooru’s hair and running his fingers through the soft brown locks, eliciting a soft sound from him, and leaning into the touch.

“Iwa-chan,” he heard Tooru mumble.

“It’s okay, I’m here,” he heard himself whisper. As he said that, another tear rolled down the Tooru’s face.

Hajime bit his lip and forbade his own tears from falling. He shifted even closer that his arm curled around the other’s shoulders.

“I’m sorry Tooru, I’m so sorry,” were the only words Hajime could say as he kissed Tooru’s forehead. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank u kams and all the other fic writers who made me realize it doesn't have to be long to be good  
> also hopefully i can get this up and running again hhhhhhh


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